This water was meant to go to Mombasa......

I Am Simply Not Good at Being a Conservative Christian.....

Or a "conservative" anything, for that matter.  I am like a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.  I must say it's disconcerting and I'm starting to feel that I should probably quit beating myself up over it.

Reminds me of a scene in "Out of Africa", where the female character has built a dam to try and make a little watering pool for her animals and crops.  But, when a monsoon style rain comes, and floods the whole area, the dam starts cracking and allowing little trickles of water out here and there.  The farm workers try furiously to plug the holes, at first, but after awhile it's obvious that the dam is simply going to be overtaken.  Karen, the main character, finally says, "let it go -- this water was meant to go to Mombasa".

I am feeling like that dam about to break.  I think, maybe, God has a different plan for me, than the one I had envisioned.

I really do believe we all have a calling of some kind.  But, we have to listen very carefully to our hearts (which is where I believe God speaks to us).   We need to listen to the heart to know whether or not it is his will or simply a course we think we "should" be taking.

Like God sending the water to Mombasa, despite best human efforts, he will eventually put cracks in the dam of our psyche, if we are not true to ourselves, and his purpose for us.